329 Days Later

Three-hundred and twenty-nine days later, I found the Box of Keys.  I wasn’t looking for them, of course.  Instead, I was trying to find cold medicine or maybe something else.  I can’t remember.  It doesn’t matter.

What matters is the fact that I found the Box of Keys.  Back in the day, I very helpfully marked the clear plastic box with a Sharpie marker–“KEYS WITHOUT HOMES”–as if it weren’t obvious that a bunch of random keys had no permanent homes.

When I spotted the Box of Keys at the very top corner of the upper cabinet shelf behind two bottles of Advil (one expired, one A-okay) I said, “There they are!”  I stood on tippy-toes and pulled that box down with great glee.

I couldn’t remember why I’d ever wanted them, though.  Is this my new life?  I spend frantic minutes searching for things I can’t find and then I find things but I can’t remember why I cared in the first place?

I actually did a search of my blog to figure out why the keys had seemed urgent.  I found my blog from June 5, 2013 and then I remembered the padlock situation.  (My son started a job and needed a padlock and I found the padlocks but couldn’t find a key.)

I am actively resisting the urge to find the padlocks.  I suspect I would not immediately be able to find them and that would lead to another semi-panicked, frustrating game of It Was Right There Why Can’t I Find It.

My husband would never have a box of keys without homes.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  his ideal living situation is a dorm room with beige walls and an extra-large bookshelf.  He does not save things “just in case.”  I like to think that I balance his tendency to throw away perfectly good stuff, but the truth is that I probably drive him a little crazy with my drawers of doodads and boxes of doohickeys and all those shoes I don’t really wear. (Let’s not discuss my laundry room.)

I have boxes of cords that belong to electronics that we may or may not own.

I have a queen-sized air mattress that was purchased 17 years ago and used once.

I have a hamster cage I bought at a garage sale–it was such a deal–but we’ve never owned a hamster.

And so on and so forth.

But listen, if we ever get a hamster, we don’t have to buy a cage!  And if we ever live in houses we once lived in before, we won’t have to get spare keys!  And if you come to my house, I can offer you an air mattress upon which to sleep.

I have an air compressor somewhere so we can pump it up.  Just give me a little time so I can figure out where I left it.  (It’s lost.  Probably in a box in the garage.)

4 Responses to “329 Days Later”

  1. Vivian April 30, 2014 at 8:11 am #

    oh my…that is so funny. i have been cleaning and i thought i pitched a roll of postage stamps…but at last i found them this morning, in the back of a drawer i had searched several times!!

  2. AC April 30, 2014 at 9:03 am #

    Sue is a “We might be able to use this sometime” type of gal. I mean, who really needs to save half an onion?

  3. Diane Miller April 30, 2014 at 10:45 pm #

    So real and shared with humor! Thanks Mel…now I don’t feel so badly about my bag of keys, box of assorted currency and the “stuff” we relocate with every move. Diane

    • Esther April 30, 2014 at 11:50 pm #

      The hamster cage that lived in my storage room for some months lives on? Funny. And your keys remind me – just a few years ago, I finally got rid of the bicycle lock (the bicycle has been gone for 40 or 50 years, probably) that was locked shut and needed a combination to open it. It was a good lock, and I just knew I could find a need for it, so I had kept it all those years. The other day, I found the combination in a stack of old business cards I also collected for years. So if you have a combination lock lying around, I have a combination that might work. Or not.

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