One stinky thing leads to another

It all started with three pounds of raw ground beef.

Sunday afternoon found me snoozing under the comforter I’ve had for twenty-five years. Despite my efforts to do nothing, those three pounds of raw hamburger haunted my dreams.  I formulated a sleepy plan.

By 3 p.m., I was downstairs in the kitchen, cooking hamburger  and tidying up the kitchen.  I deposited a Zip-l0c bag of chopped onions that had been stinking up my refrigerator into the pan.  Then I decided to add some garlic to the mix.

I have a giant Costco-sized container of minced garlic.  As I reached for it, I wondered if there’s any chance I’ll be able to use it up before we move in July.  As these thoughts crossed my mind, I grabbed the lid and pulled it out of the fridge.

The loose lid gave way and the 48-ounce container plummeted to the kitchen floor.  A plume of minced garlic flew three feet across the floor, splattering the floor and wall.

Bits of garlic slid down into the heat register.

I yanked the register out of the vent and rinsed the garlic off.  Then I peered into the open vent and wondered if my kitchen would permanently smell like an Italian restaurant.  I noted a lot of crumbs and grime in the vent, and decided to vacuum it out.

Here’s where things went awry.

I looked in the front closet for my vacuum cleaner.  It was not there.

I remembered that my son had used the vacuum in his room to clean up the shards of glass produced when he accidentally (!) hit the mirror in his room with a lacrosse ball.

I went to retrieve the vacuum cleaner and noticed my 13-year old sitting in a kitchen chair playing video games.

“Hey,” I said, “Why don’t you put that chair back up?”  I gestured toward the IKEA chair I purchased for full-price not so long ago.  It was a cool purchase, in my opinion, because it transformed from a chair into a narrow bed for guests.  Perfect for the boys’ room.

“It’s broken,” one of my other sons said.

“Broken?”

“Yeah, the metal broke last night when I pulled it open.”

I lost my mind and thus unleashed a frenzy of crazed activity and expressions of frustration.  In other words, I dismantled the chair and lugged it out onto the driveway while complaining bitterly about how my children break everything all the time and WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP BUYING STUFF FOR THEM?  Something like that.

My 17-year old was all about telling me to calm down and relax and to stop overreacting.  I did not feel like calming down.  Especially when I saw just how disgusting their room had become . . . balled up socks everywhere, dirty dishes on every surface and under every surface, random bits of trash on the floor and to top it all off, a clump of cat vomit in the windowsill.

I was saying things like, “How can you live like this?” and “This is disgusting!” and “I SPENT MONEY ON THOSE CHAIRS!”  (There were two chairs, now both half-broken.  The 17-7ear old did manage to combine parts from both chairs and now we have one working chair.)

By the time the balled up socks were relocated to the laundry room and the dirty dishes were returned to the kitchen and the trash was in the trashcan, I was sweaty and irritable and rather unpleasant to be around.

And I still had to vacuum out the vents in the kitchen.

(To think, I could have avoided this entire situation if only I’d stayed in bed watching the “Snapped” marathon.)

Once I finished cooking the hamburger and wiping bits of garlic off my floor and vacuuming out the vent, I went outside and pressure washed my patio.

Then I went back upstairs to my twenty-five year old comforter and ate Girl Scout cookies and read a magazine while watching television.

The moral of this story is this:  Always tighten the lid on the giant container of minced garlic.

The end.

13 Responses to “One stinky thing leads to another”

  1. Amanda March 15, 2011 at 4:09 am #

    Oh dear, I feel for you. This sort of thing happens to me too. I wonder if you’ll get to use up the remainder of the container of garlic. : )

  2. judy March 15, 2011 at 6:24 am #

    Well. Just maybe things cannot get worse? One can always hope.
    I bet you cannot wait for July to get here!

  3. Karen March 15, 2011 at 6:45 am #

    Mel, if it’s any consolation, I feel your pain. My 17-year-old’s room is exactly the same except it’s dog puke instead of cat puke, and I only have one 17-year-old. And I rant and rave and get mad at the balled up socks and underwear and dirty dishes. . .

    It stinks. Kinda like garlic in a heat vent.

  4. Holli T. March 15, 2011 at 8:34 am #

    I’m here cause Amy @ humble musings linked to your Mother Duck post. Oh, how happy I am to have found you!

    I woke up from a nap Sunday because I had ground turkey in the refrigerator that needed to be used. I minced carrots, celery, and onion – threw them into a hot pan with olive oil and garlic, and cooked em up real nice. I opened the turkey and realized it was past it’s due date by 8 days. Not wanting to waste it, I browned it anyway. I added tomoatoes and made a lovely bolognese. It is still in tupperware in my fridge cause I really don’t want food poisoning. We ate pasta with butter and parmesan for supper that night.

  5. MamaBearJune March 15, 2011 at 11:08 am #

    Yikes! The last time I had a catastrophe like that was when my son dropped a can of Big Red in the kitchen and it exploded and spun around. I’m still finding red splatters in my office after several months!

    Maybe you should have pressure washed that boy’s room! ;-)

  6. Tom March 15, 2011 at 12:25 pm #

    Parents of teens really need a support group. And it should have cookies and rum and things to smash. That’d be a start.

  7. Esther March 15, 2011 at 4:30 pm #

    Sounds like you no longer have to worry about using up the garlic – just pour it all over the kitchen, and poof! it’s used up!

    What I really want to know is this: how can you have SO much fun ALL THE TIME……….your posts continue to make me tired.

    And, after my kitchen fire yesterday, I have lost all desire to cook anything at all, ever!

    P.S. sure am getting hungry, though!

  8. Julana March 16, 2011 at 5:42 am #

    It’s the attack of daylight savings time. Accidents up 17%. This too shall pass.

  9. adventuresinbabywearing March 17, 2011 at 7:32 am #

    OMG!

    Steph

  10. Barbara Curtis March 18, 2011 at 3:31 am #

    Mel –

    I have the same Costco-sized garlic! If Tripp hadn’t brought it home from one of his Costco trips – he loves to go to Costco and I love that he loves it :) – I’d still be accumulating many hours peeling garlic cloves.

    On my way to check the lid now. And studiously avoiding the boys’ bedrooms.

    love you!

  11. Brad Huebert March 18, 2011 at 8:00 am #

    People not playing Lacrosse in the bathroom might also get you some mileage. Just sayin.’ Very funny, Mel. Love it.

    You going to Mt. Hermon this year?

  12. Rachel March 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

    Oh, goodness! I have SO been there, with my attitude going downhill …. Wow. Kudos to you for making it through the situation without permanently maiming anyone in the process. :)

  13. Tamara March 18, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    OK I just found your blog tonight and had to smile. Your reactions to your world sounded so much like my own.

    I’ll definitely be back as one of your readers. Have a wonderful weekend.

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