I cannot dance. Alas. But I can do other stuff.

My daughter has been sick again.  She falls asleep watching cartoons in the afternoon, then wakes up inconsolable but refuses all medication.  This afternoon, I was rocking her in the gliding rocker in my room, channel surfing for some entertainment suitable for us both.  I happened upon “America’s Best Dance Crew,” a show I like to watch for the commentary by the judge “Lil Mama.”  I can’t tell you exactly what she says or even how she says it, but I am mightily amused.  She’s so un-housewife, so un-suburban.

Also?  I like to watch the dancing.  I could no sooner dance that I could dive to the ocean floor without an oxygen.  I might not have been born without rhythm but what little ability I might have had was crushed out by a religion that believed that square dancing could send you straight to hell.  So, I can clap in rhythm but dancing?  Uh, no.  Never.  I am dance-impaired, much to my chagrin.  (I cannot imagine purposely drawing attention to my body in motion, ever.)

Anyway, so the dancing began and my daughter turns her stinky-sick-breath face to me and said, “Mom, do you have any talents?”

And I said, rather lamely, “Well, I do play the piano and sing.”

Over Her Dead Body ipod

I don’t think she was impressed.  I cannot fly-kick or head-spin or shake my booty.  (Wait?  Did I just slip into a past decade of dance moves?)

When your kid has to ask if you have any talents, it might be time to hire a public relations expert to polish your image a bit.  I’m not feeling the love.

The Beguiled move