And I’m not the only one. I thought of my friend whose baby died last year, just two weeks before her due date. My husband called at dinner time to let me know he’d be late because just five minutes before he arrived for a scheduled home visit, the fifty-year old woman he was to visit died. I thought of 2-year old child I know whose parents are divorcing. It seems that everywhere I turn, people are facing loss, some small, some heartbreakingly enormous.
We have all lost someone or something irreplaceable. All of us, everyone. We all have holes and gaps and empty gaping wounds. Loss is part of life from the moment we come squalling into this cold world, having lost the safety of the only warm place we’ve ever known.
The vacant spaces define us. I saw myself primarily as a child of divorce for many years. And when the pain of that began to fade, I lost my dad for good when he died just a couple weeks after he turned 47. I was 24. Then I became a girl without a dad.
I became a woman who could not get pregnant. I became the writer who could not get published. I became the lonely outsider in a small town. What I didn’t have framed me, rather than what I had, what I accomplished, what I was. Do we all try to hide the wounds and disguise our empty spots, while we secretly despair over the ripped out parts in our lives? Or is it just me?
This morning, when I contemplated myself as destroyed paperdoll with missing chunks, the unbidden image of a paper snowflake fluttered into my mind. I realized that the missing parts, the losses, the empty spots are part of a greater design. Look at the snowflake. The cut out parts don’t destroy it. The scissored out triangles and circles enhance the beauty of the snowflake. They make it what it is.
When I think now of the empty spaces in myself, I won’t concentrate on just the ragged scars. I’ll see a snowflake, shaped by loss, but not destroyed. The losses feel random and unfair sometimes, but I have faith that God has a plan, an intricate, one-of-a-kind design for my life.
I’m not the holes in my life. I am wholly in the hand of a loving Creator. I am whole, despite the missing pieces.
Actual Unretouched Photo 
This… is beautiful.
It also reminds me of another story. If you take a clay jar, break it, and then take scotch tape and take it back together, you may feel like you have a pretty lousy clay jar. But when you shine a flashlight into it, where does the light shine through?
Our many cracks, chips, and holes that we acquire as earthen vessels bumping down the road of life, are exactly where the light of God is most apparent to others who see us.
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Again, wow. Thanks.
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Hmmm…..I love this piece and sorely needed the message today. I guess that makes us all a bunch of beautiful snowflakes, huh?
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wow. Wow. WOW. WOW!!
This has interested me for years now and caused me to wonder if we in the Christian community are too eager to ‘heal’ people. Just let Christ be what pours out of the wound.
The poet Ruth Pitter says “Alleluia, all my gashes cry.”
Deep stuff. My gashes tend to cry “Please don’t let anyone discover how grossly inadequate I am!”
Sign me on as another ‘flake’!
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This… is beautiful.
It also reminds me of another story. If you take a clay jar, break it, and then take scotch tape and take it back together, you may feel like you have a pretty lousy clay jar. But when you shine a flashlight into it, where does the light shine through?
Our many cracks, chips, and holes that we acquire as earthen vessels bumping down the road of life, are exactly where the light of God is most apparent to others who see us.
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Something interesting to think about today…Oh, and I think it is definitely NOT just you who tries to disguise the empty spots…
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Again, wow. Thanks.
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Hmmm…..I love this piece and sorely needed the message today. I guess that makes us all a bunch of beautiful snowflakes, huh?
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wow. Wow. WOW. WOW!!
This has interested me for years now and caused me to wonder if we in the Christian community are too eager to ‘heal’ people. Just let Christ be what pours out of the wound.
The poet Ruth Pitter says “Alleluia, all my gashes cry.”
Deep stuff. My gashes tend to cry “Please don’t let anyone discover how grossly inadequate I am!”
Sign me on as another ‘flake’!
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Something interesting to think about today…Oh, and I think it is definitely NOT just you who tries to disguise the empty spots…
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Thank you for that. It is exactly what I needed to read at this point. Thank you!
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Mel- I’m developing a message for a ladies retreat. It is all about the beautiful intricacy of snow crystals (flakes) and God’s beautiful creation. Please take a look at these photos to see just how beautiful a snowflake can be. And, to continue the metaphor: the most beautiful are the ones with the most “cuts.”
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Excellent insight, Mel.
Suzanne
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Beautifully written….you never fail to amaze me.
Oh and for alittle fun….
http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/index.html?taf=receiver
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Thank you for that. It is exactly what I needed to read at this point. Thank you!
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Mel- I’m developing a message for a ladies retreat. It is all about the beautiful intricacy of snow crystals (flakes) and God’s beautiful creation. Please take a look at these photos to see just how beautiful a snowflake can be. And, to continue the metaphor: the most beautiful are the ones with the most “cuts.”
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Excellent insight, Mel.
Suzanne
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Beautifully written….you never fail to amaze me.
Oh and for alittle fun….
http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/index.html?taf=receiver
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Maybe you can’t get published, but you *are* a writer. Once again, your metaphors are astounding.
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Mel, I’m another one who “needed” to read this post and be reminded of the message. Thanks.
Love your blog. ♥
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Maybe you can’t get published, but you *are* a writer. Once again, your metaphors are astounding.
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This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It touched my heart.
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Mel, I’m another one who “needed” to read this post and be reminded of the message. Thanks.
Love your blog. ♥
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This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It touched my heart.
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Hi Mel
I came to your blog through Anvilcloud and am enjoying your writing. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insights. This last post was so meaningful to me and I just had to write and tell you so.
When we are ripped apart and bleeding it is hard to breath, let alone see past the pain to any beauty in our lives. Your words pointed us to that beauty in such a stunning way. A snowflake. I absolutely loved it.
Sometimes the designer?s scissors are so sharp and have no mercy as to what they cut away, and as hurtful as those precise scissor cuts are, they are nothing compared to the unexpected shark attacks that sideswipe us and rip and tear without warning. After one of those attacks, we are left bleeding in the open water and if it weren?t for the tender mercies of others we wouldn?t survive. What a gift to be wrapped in those bandages of the love of others and be soothed by the balm of their compassion.
Afterwards, long afterwards, we can say that we wouldn?t change the shark attack for anything. We wouldn?t want it to happen again, but we wouldn?t change it either. The triangles and circles do enhance the beauty of the snowflake and make it what it is. We are whole and beautiful in spite of the holes in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful word picture with us.
I sent your blog to my sister who is still struggling (after 11 years) with the grief of losing her 5-year-old daughter. I am meeting a friend this week who just lost her dad. I am going to share your words with her too.
I absolutely love the winter and enjoy a good snowstorm. Now, thanks to you, I have another reason to treasure the snow. I will think of the beauty of my ?designer? life each time I see a snowflake and rejoice. Thanks Mel.
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Hi Mel
I came to your blog through Anvilcloud and am enjoying your writing. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful insights. This last post was so meaningful to me and I just had to write and tell you so.
When we are ripped apart and bleeding it is hard to breath, let alone see past the pain to any beauty in our lives. Your words pointed us to that beauty in such a stunning way. A snowflake. I absolutely loved it.
Sometimes the designer?s scissors are so sharp and have no mercy as to what they cut away, and as hurtful as those precise scissor cuts are, they are nothing compared to the unexpected shark attacks that sideswipe us and rip and tear without warning. After one of those attacks, we are left bleeding in the open water and if it weren?t for the tender mercies of others we wouldn?t survive. What a gift to be wrapped in those bandages of the love of others and be soothed by the balm of their compassion.
Afterwards, long afterwards, we can say that we wouldn?t change the shark attack for anything. We wouldn?t want it to happen again, but we wouldn?t change it either. The triangles and circles do enhance the beauty of the snowflake and make it what it is. We are whole and beautiful in spite of the holes in our lives. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful word picture with us.
I sent your blog to my sister who is still struggling (after 11 years) with the grief of losing her 5-year-old daughter. I am meeting a friend this week who just lost her dad. I am going to share your words with her too.
I absolutely love the winter and enjoy a good snowstorm. Now, thanks to you, I have another reason to treasure the snow. I will think of the beauty of my ?designer? life each time I see a snowflake and rejoice. Thanks Mel.
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What an interesting post — and what a wonderful revelation you had about snowflakes. It’s beautiful.
In an odd way, I have always felt that my holes made me who I am today — and I have actually been thankful for a few of them. I never looked at the negative side of them before.
However, life does pick at you and wear you down. I feel it too. The lies I see other people tell on a constant basis sadden me, and drain me even when I, myself am happy.
I always feel so affected by the pain of those around me that it often quelches my own happiness.
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What an interesting post — and what a wonderful revelation you had about snowflakes. It’s beautiful.
In an odd way, I have always felt that my holes made me who I am today — and I have actually been thankful for a few of them. I never looked at the negative side of them before.
However, life does pick at you and wear you down. I feel it too. The lies I see other people tell on a constant basis sadden me, and drain me even when I, myself am happy.
I always feel so affected by the pain of those around me that it often quelches my own happiness.
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You have such an amazing ways with words! Really … the snowflake analogy is absolutely beautiful. I will try to remember that next time I am feeling down.
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You have such an amazing ways with words! Really … the snowflake analogy is absolutely beautiful. I will try to remember that next time I am feeling down.
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my story is alot like yous.my Dad and Mom divorced when I was about 14 and my brother 5.mom and I and my brother moved to a town 20 miles away from the only home we ever knew.it was very hard.
for over a year I walked around in a daze.and then turned hard as rocks.I put a shell over my heart and let only a few into it.
my family was ripped apart and still all these years later there are things that arent right.
my brother has not contacted any of the family for 15 years.we see him from afar every so offten,but if someone goes to speak to him he verbly tonts you and walks away.
He never visited my mom and she passed away not ever being able to see him.
my father still acts like it was my moms fault he ran around.but it was his.he had been a run around all his life.
I was saved at the age of 19 and that was my saving grace.but alot of heart ache came after.I was divorced from the man who is the father of my two girls.he was a drunk and it was getting vilent for the girls and I with him.so the Lord helped me move on.
then I met a nice man who I thought would be a good father and husband.but he was still in love with his x wife and the girl who broke them up.but I didnt relize it till we had been married.and soon we were divorced.
I stopped looking for someone.and raised my girls.I was alone for 18 years.and did not date.I had trusted the Lord to help me find someone when the time was right.
and I thought the man who came was.we fell in love and got married.we were happy and every thing seemed ok.till about 8 months into the marriage.and he started acting weird.high one minute and down the next.he talked none stop.and wouldnt shut up.when I said I need some peace a guiet just to think, he got upset and hounded me on why I wouldnt talk to him.I finely took him to the hospital.and he was there for almost two weeks.but he had lost his job because of some weird things he did there, and now he was coming home.
24 hours a day he was here in the small apartment with me.he was a stranger.wouldnt talk and was very hard to get along with.I tryed to do things to keep him busy.have him go for walks.go for rides to get out of the house.but he was so weird it scared me to be with him.some times it was like being in the car with a doll in stead of a person.he said things that scared me Like “I have thoughts of putting a pillow over your face.or taking a knife and stabbing you.
to make a long story short,after almost a year he left and said he didnt love me. he went home to his mothers.
and for 6 months I heard nothing from him.I didnt know what to do.his mom and sister called me and filled me in now and then.but he didnt talk about me or to me.
then out of the blue he calls up and says I love you and want to come home.well being a believer I thought maybe God had done a great work and it would be ok.so I prayed and desided to give him one more chance.
he came home and I spent the next month in the most stress of my life.he heard voices and did wierd things.and told me about what he had done while gone.he had eating the wedding ring I gave him.and some other things that gagged me.I couldnt believe anyone could do things like that.
thank God I had only let him come home and not had him bring all his stuff.
or thank God I didnt have sex with him.
one day after trying everything including taking him for prayer at a deliverance ministry.I finely had to ask him to leave.
he had stopped taking his meds.you broke your promise to take you meds while here, so you have to leave.
he went home and little over a week later his mom and Dad had to call the police on him and put him in the hospital.he had said he was going to take his life.
he ended in the hospital for 4 months.
he is just the same as when he was here.
I have talked to him a few times to let him know I still care for him.but cant live with him anymore.
This helped me see this was not the relationship I needed.if he would not have come back I would have been hanging on thinking maybe some how God could work it out.but this has showed me Im better off.
if God has a plan to send me some one.then he will have to heal me and get me to believe in a person for me.but for now I dont believe there is one.Im better off by my self.
life is so short its not smart to stay in a relationship that can kill you or drag you down so far you lose your own faith.
hubby was my friend and its hard to lose a friend and a hubby.but its also hard to be with someone who is unable to meet your needs.
he is selfish and values himself more then anyone.and its hard to deal with someone like that.
I have low self worth cause Im a big girl and have never found lasting love with some else.
but I have Jesus love and that is what keeps me going.a while ago the Lord gave me Isaiah 54.and it helped me understand that God is what ever you dont have.he is the father to the fatherless,a mother,friend,brother,sister,husband,what ever you need he is.
so I may not have a man.but I have a Husband who is more of a husband then any man I have known!!!so feeling bad being alone?no not me!!
I wanted to say that you already are published dear,your writing where God wants you to.
Im a writer to.and the Lord showed me I will write a book.in fact He helped me write two already.
and if he wants them out on the shelves they will be.till then I share as best I can.
God bless you.
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