Comments on: Talking about what I can’t discuss

By: FormerlyFun

FormerlyFun — Tue, 27 May 2008 05:36:00 +0000

Been there myself and I try to remember that there’s usually a lesson there and if I don’t figure out what it is, it will likely spring up again. The world would certainly not be a better place if you were banished to an island. Don’t take the reprimand too hard, a good person without their own agenda can usually deliver criticism with a bit of kindness and empathy, it doesn’t sound like you got much. When I feel the black cloud of self recrimination settling in, I like to visualize myself 10+ years in the future giving the current me a hug and saying, go easy on yourself kid. When all else fails, if you messed up, a heartfelt and genuine mea culpa typically goes over well with anyone humble enough to know we’re all still learning.

By: Terri B.

Terri B. — Sat, 24 May 2008 00:56:42 +0000

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Hope this situation is better now. Hey, I like your dessert island idea. I definitely have days when I could easily go there and wallow in things fattening )

By: stressed

stressed — Tue, 20 May 2008 18:40:16 +0000

Wow. I had a day like that last week too. Mine involved a disagreement with our wonderful nanny over pay (I thought I’d paid her for a sick day, she said I hadn’t). After 30 minutes of heated discussion, I set the money (including the extra) out on the table and told her “take this money or don’t come back.” Isn’t that terrible? I am the one in the position of power and I am a good, reasonable, usually quite calm person. But four years and two kids into working and moming I’m finding that I am making more mistakes, less organized. I have a good heart, I am a kind person. I know that a combination of stress over money and lack of time for reflection caused me to say that awful thing. Like you, I realized though that I couldn’t wallow in my misery and that thinking bad things about myself was self-indulgent. It will go down as one of the top five worst things I’ve ever done, but I just need to tuck it away as a lesson. I baked her a cake last night I wrote “We love you” on it in hopes of starting to make amends. I’m learning that you’re never too old to make mistakes.

By: Sarah Markley

Sarah Markley — Tue, 20 May 2008 00:22:26 +0000

Your description is so perfect. I know exactly that weighted feeling. I hope that it works out soon. =(

By: Tom

Tom — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:29:13 +0000

I so hear you on this. I know exactly what you mean about having the best of intentions, but being misinterpreted completely as you illustrated in the classroom example. I have been in that gut-wrenching self-punishing spot so many times. As was said, though, through it all, the Lord is with you, carrying you through the worst of it. May God bless you in this.

By: Sally

Sally — Mon, 19 May 2008 19:27:41 +0000

I hope (several days after your original post) that things are looking brighter for you now. If you are still churning inside, do you have a a disinterested party who can listen & lend some perspective? May even help you figure out why that confrontation spun you into darkness? Sometimes the events that suck me into the “vortex” have happened just because I was somebody’s target du jour: another jerk in the universe just needed to shake his finger at someone, & my number came up. But then I internalize that into my being a horrible, undeserving dumber-than-pond scum life form. Sometimes life is random, but (we) sensitive people take it personally. And you seem to be a very sensitive, intuitive, caring person. Please hang in there & treat yourself with the kindness you deserve; peace will find you….

By: judy

judy — Mon, 19 May 2008 13:22:45 +0000

Oh, Mel.

I do hope things improve.

If it helps, I think you are WONDERFUL.

By: Brad Huebert

Brad Huebert — Mon, 19 May 2008 05:27:33 +0000

Mel,

Great post. Very honest, very transparent… something I’ve found helpful in the midst of my stress is to pause long enough to let the angst rise (no censuring, no church face, no shoving it under a carpet) — just laying it out in front of Jesus — and then asking him, “Lord, what do you want me to know about this?” or, “What am I not seeing here? What do you want me to see?”

Thanks for your honesty.

By: Karen

Karen — Sun, 18 May 2008 18:16:29 +0000

“Grow up, Get a Grip, Move On” I have told myself that more than a few times. I hate when conflicts happen that I cannot stop thinking about, and really bother me. I know it will get resolved for you one way or another, but just wanted to say, I know what it feels like.

By: Tina

Tina — Sun, 18 May 2008 16:17:07 +0000

I understand taking things hard…I go there too often. I know that self loathing is the worst kind of loathing….because you can’t take much of a break from yourself. A little wallowing is not a crime.