Comments on: Two Completely Unrelated Stories

By: Dee

Dee — Thu, 02 Jun 2005 03:45:00 +0000

I think it is great to congratulate all the kids if they are doing their best but I do think it is wrong to give them all awards and treat them equally if one works harder and does a good job because he practices more and works harder to be a better player.

Not long ago a teacher at a local school got some flack because she had a party for the ones with higher grades. Parents complained because some of their kids could not not. While I am not sure the party was such a great idea, I think the teacher was right in rewarding those who made higher grades. Our teachers rewarded by giving the kids who made higher gardes gift certificates to the local pizza place for a pan pizza.
I saw nothing wrong with that.

By: Late Edition

Late Edition — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 03:00:00 +0000

protecting kids is a laudable thing … but protecting them from all of the world’s harsh realities is a recipe for disaster in later life and not just for the kids … i know mothers who beat themselves every day when they watch their adult kids trying to cope with realities they just had no preparation for … the world can be a hard and cruel place … kids need to be allowed to see that, and learn to deal with it in a realistic, supportive environment … IMHO

By: Lora

Lora — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 01:28:00 +0000

I see your point, but the boy already knew he had messed up. He did care and he did try. I think a “Good try!” would have been more appropriate then a “God job!” Cheering him for his effort encourages him to try to do well.

I think that the lesson of making an honest effort is much more important the lesson of winning.

By: Christi

Christi — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 00:22:00 +0000

Yeah, I don’t get why they just didn’t say anything? Kids need to learn that sometimes life sucks, and that sometimes you make mistakes, or are not the best at something. That reminds me, somewhat, of what I was talking to my sis-in-law about earlier. In a church costume contest, her son won, but they accidentally said the wrong name. The little boy who’s name they said came running up and took they award and praise, even though he had a miserable attempt at a costume on and had to know he hadn’t won. His parents did say a thing. They let him take the $50+ gift and think he had won. I just can’t get over why they couldn’t have explained to him that sometimes in life you don’t win, and that sometimes life sucks and people make mistakes! I am freely giving of cheer when my son does good, but I certainly won’t, and don’t want others to, cheer him when he makes a mistake. Wouldn’t that just teach him that he could do just as well in life by not trying, and messing up?

By: portuguesa nova

portuguesa nova — Tue, 31 May 2005 23:57:00 +0000

It was something I never realized until my foreigner husband pointed it out–that kids here get praised for doing things wrong, doing things right and doing nothing it all. It is very strange indeed.

On the other hand…This is the first I’ve ever heard of the juice box….I need one of these.

By: Judy

Judy — Tue, 31 May 2005 22:41:00 +0000

I used to ask my kids what they thought their siblings were best at. It seemed to help. At least it got them thinking, and I could add input.

Oldest Son was best at drawing.
Daughter was best at diving.
Youngest Son was best at basketball.

They quickly saw that they didn’t have to be ‘best’ at everything, and didn’t care if they weren’t.

Oldest Son did tutoring at his university. He said the kindest thing someone could have done for some of these students would be to tell them that they really could not be whatever they wanted to be. But, that wasn’t the policy. He had to keep telling them lies about how good they were.

I’m good at reading books, and criticizing. Really good at criticizing. It’s a gift.

By: Marykay

Marykay — Tue, 31 May 2005 15:30:00 +0000

Re: Anvilcloud’s comment. Our oldest has had a terrible time with algebra. One semester we literally jumped up and down in celebration when he brought home a “D.” Yes, a D. He had worked so doggone hard, so consistently, so much effort. We were simply happy that he passed, who cared that it wasn’t a C, B or A. Incidently, he had all A’s and B’s in algebra this last semester and we didn’t celebrate nearly as much. It was just that first semester when it took all he had to just pass the class.

By: tab

tab — Tue, 31 May 2005 14:29:00 +0000

I agree….what’s wrong with “good try, you’ll get ‘em next time”? I have a similar gripe..but it pertains to school. It’s sort of like a “rewards” system. Basically if you are good and not get your card turned over (or whatever) then you acquire points or goodies or whatever. This system was implemented in my sis-n-law’s school where she teaches 2nd grade. The kids got so used to “give me” that unless there was something in it for them (forget about self-gratification of doing a good job)such as treats then they had the attitude of “why bother!” She said it was kind of nice at first but then became a complete nightmare because all they cared about what the reward would be and if it wasn’t “high” enough for them they didn’t care.

I come from if you are not good (as you are expected to be in the first place) then you lose priviledges or whatever–simple as that. Sometimes being good was treated to something special (especially over time). However the consequences of not doing what was expected was the real MOTIVATION (and worked).

By: Marcy

Marcy — Tue, 31 May 2005 13:35:00 +0000

This is one of the reasons I’m a little afraid to have kids. I’m not sure how to express approval of my kid — because I love them whatever their skills and interests — without denying their failures and mistakes. Yes, there’s something good about tagging the runner even if it’s too late. Perfection in all things at all times is impossible, and intentions and effort should be praised. But that’s not the same as refusing to acknowledge failures and mistakes. But how do we recognize failures, sympathize with the disappointed kid, without either making him think failure doesn’t matter or making him think he himself is worthless because of the failure?

By: Anvilcloud

Anvilcloud — Tue, 31 May 2005 11:54:00 +0000

Well, let’s forget about inflated marks and things like that, because I think that’s a separate issue, and ask if there is something meritorious about doing your best, about hanging in there. Is it good to get a C when that’s the best that you are capable of and when taking your F would be the easy way out? Is it good to be able to pick up the ball a tag a runner, even if you weren’t able to do it spot on? Is it good to walk in the morning if you aren’t capable of running? How about biking when it’s easier for you than walking? How about blogging when you aren’t the most creative writer on the block? How about ordinary fumblers making love? What’s wrong with praising effort and intention and playing the game as best you can? I tell you that I find some of these things pretty darn satisfying in my own silly little way.

I hope the above doesn’t sound too snippy. I wanted to make a point and didn’t have the time to polish it up really nicely.